A Spoiled Brat Takes a Lesson in Stewardship

Today was a weird day for me. I was all over the emotional chart for many reasons. I took my bike to a bike shop the other day to get an estimate on a few basic repairs that needed to be done. The first estimate was $40 bucks which was a little more than I expected and wanted to pay, but it was going to be worth it since I have to walk so far to class and I refuse to shell out $200 bucks to park "on campus" and still have to walk far. I got a call back about my bike today and the estimate jumped up to $90. Since I don't have a place indoors to keep my bike there is aparently a lot of rust damage which is why it's been pretty much unridable for several months now. My bike was only $150 to begin with, so I didn't even want to try to start justifying spending that much on repairs for it. I didn't want to get a new bike, but I didn't want the one I have to be so messed up.

I started thinking about all of the things that I own and I made myself depressed (not in the sense that I meant it in my last post,) about all of the things I own. I am going to sound like a spoiled brat for saying this, but I am having a really hard time accepting a status in life that is more or less second-hand. I don't think that there is anything wrong with things that are second-hand, I just don't want any thing that I have to be in less than top notch condition. How did I get like this? I think that I'm probably being over-dramatic about how I feel about my possessions right now since I've had such an emotional day, but I don't think that I'm being over-dramatic in the things that I've taken for granted in my life. I was proud of myself the other day for the car-load of things that I gave to the family that my church took in after Katrina. Later I realized that the reason it was so easy for me to give my things away was simply because I didn't want the items anymore because I had newer things that I liked better.

I've been frustrated with my car lately because it needs new brakes and rotors but instead of getting them fixed, I'd rather put the investment into a new vehicle. When I got my car it was only two years used, now that it is eight years used I don't value it as much as I did when I got it. I don't think that is a very good attitude to take. Christians are called to be good stewards of our possessions but I'm afraid I go too far. I feel like I'm failing miserably at this idea of storing up my treasures in heaven.

One of my favorite Psalms has always been Psalm 139. It came to mind while I was writing this post that doesn't really have a point. I have sung a beautiful song called The Majesty & Glory of Your Name, that is taken from the verses of this Psalm. I sang this song with my youth choir on one of our choir trips to the Grand Canyon. I can still remember the chills I felt when we sang this song and it came echoing back to us off of the canyon walls as if they too were singing of the glory and majesty of the Father. I sang it again with my Calvary Church choir just a few Sundays ago. The entire Psalm is a beautiful prayer but I'm going to write out just the last two verses of my prayer as of late:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.