Where do I fit?

Where do I fit into this picture? There is so much that goes on around me. I have so many people coming to me with their anxieties, fears, frustrations, hurts, joys. I know that I only typed one positive thing in that list, and though there are plenty of times when I get to share joyful moments with people, but my heart goes out to them in the greatest way when they share the negative things with me. I don’t know what to do in all of this. Do people want an ear that will listen? Do they want someone to tell them everything is going work out? Do they want advice on how to handle it? Do they want to hear that God is working and that He is in control?

I know that when I was going through a hard time I wanted some of these things from some people and different things from others. But that constantly changed. I got tired of all of the clichéd phrases about God going to get me through and that He was in control. I knew those things already but it didn’t match with what I was going through. Even though I believe that God is sovereign and He is constantly working in the lives of those who desire His will it is still hard for me to grasp and understand the idea that God is in control. Someone who feels as though they have been betrayed by God does not want to hear that God is in control. I didn’t want to hear it.

I know that this is getting in to the ultimate question of human free will and God’s sovereignty and omnipotence and I don’t mean to go off on that monumental tangent. I do want to make the point though that when people come to me with all of their struggles I don’t always know what to tell them. I know what it is like to go through pain and to feel betrayed by God. I have experienced it in two immense ways in my life and numerous smaller ways. I want the people who come to me to know that and to know that I can relate to them. But I don’t know how to communicate that in a way that is comforting.

In much of the suffering times that I’ve gone through, I have not been comforted. Granted, I have always made it through, but not without a struggle. I think what is most important to me is that I am not deceiving these people. Sometimes they are not going to be comforted in the times that they are going through, but that’s not always something that you want to hear when all you want is to be comforted that everything is going to be ok. I wish I knew more. I wish that I was wiser and ironically, I wish that I had experienced more in my 21 years so that I might have a little more to offer to these dear friends of mine.

Father, I ask you for wisdom, and discernment. I know that I sound like a broken record in asking you for that, but I strongly desire your guidance. Please, in your perfect wisdom, guide me in the way that you would have me go. Grant me the right words at the right times.

Blogging

I fought against having a blog for a long time. In fact, even after I started one a month ago, I didn’t write my second entry until just now, but I’ve finally been “sucked in.” Most people that I know have their blogs to put down thoughts, day’s events, ventings etc. so their friends or anyone else could read. I thought that it would be better just to actually have a conversation with a person about these thoughts (many of which are very profound and enjoyable to read) and let it help develop the relationship instead of posting them on a website. But I have finally decided that I value the blogs that my friends have. I have been able to keep up with my friends that are in other states or across the ocean or just down the block by their blogs. I have found insight into their minds in a way that is slightly different from having a conversation with them. The blogs have even been a way to strike up conversation about the topics written about.

I would like to think that I could communicate most of what goes on in my mind to people around me and let them see many different aspects of me through conversations, but the fact is, I can’t have a conversation with even one person that I know (let alone many of the people that I know) about ever single thing that goes through my mind. I’m certainly not saying that everything that goes through my mind is worth sharing, but there are some things that I would like to share that I don’t always get to. Some of these things are sprung from conversations I have had, books I have read, people I have observed, etc. I don’t promise a load of profound thought, or even any profound thoughts, but I do hope that conversation comes from this blog to strike up conversation and develop relationships around me more.

I think that I will only give the URL address to a few people to begin with, but I’m sure eventually, I will make it more public. I hope you will enjoy, consider, and challenge what you read here. Please feel free to give me your positive comments and your criticisms.