On Being Single

This Wednesday I left Waco at four in the morning to have Kelli at DFW by 6:00 AM. I drove another four hours from there to Houston to spend time with my sister and her husband for Thanksgiving. Thursday evening I drove the three hours back to Waco. I love driving. Those drives were actually pretty short compared to other drives I've made, like the ten hour drive from SA to Amarillo last New Year's Day to spend time with Becca and her family. That drive seemed surprising quick, in part due to the amazing sunset I enjoyed. Despite the shortness of each trip this week, all together there was a lot of driving and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. When I am driving by myself I can rid myself of all distractions for hours and just think. Most of the time I like to drive in complete silence (yes, even without music.) I rarely am able to find time alone or in silence which is partly why I enjoy driving so much. When I finally arrived in Waco, I arrived to an empty apartment which remained empty for the next twenty-four hours. I spent the time by myself cleaning and decorating for Christmas.

In the midst of all of my driving this week and time alone in my apartment, I reflected on my enjoying being alone which naturally led to my thoughts on being single. About a year ago, I never would have dreamed of writing this post or anything like it. Most of the times in my life when I have been single I have welcomed it. A little over a year ago, this was not my attitude. My singleness came unexpected and unwanted. The thought of remaining that way scared me. I knew that there had been times when being single was something that was good and enjoyable, but this time was different. This time, the plans I had started to make for my future were affected. I prayed for a day to come when I would be ok with being single and over time the prayer was answered.

When I was in Boston, Kelli and I went to Gordon-Conwell's Friday chapel service. The professor that day preached on the single life. Apparently I'm not the only one around my age who thinks about this (surprise, surprise) and he thought that it was a prevalent topic. He spoke the obvious that we have all heard almost too many times: "Singleness is a gift from God." I wanted to spit in the face of anyone who told me that after a breakup I went through last year. It sounds harsh, but I think those words can sound harsh to someone who has had their life significantly altered and is hurting. I know that the scenarios are different, but I can't imagine what I would do to any person who would have told my mom that the single life is a gift from God after my dad had her served with divorce papers. Those words sound like a hard cold slap in the face to someone in pain. Fortunately, I was not hurting to the extent that I was over a year ago when I was listening to this chapel sermon and I didn't tune him out. There most certainly is truth in those words that can be understood out of the confines of a broken heart.

From his main point of the single life being a gift from God, he went on to point out some things that I had not considered before. An implication from the idea of singleness as a gift is the idea that “the single life is not a wilderness to be endured.” It should not be viewed as a dry time in one’s life or a time when things are going all wrong. There is no fulfillment in life if one thinks that way. This leads to his second point; “the single life is not a curse or an accident.” God has designed purpose within our life and singleness is often a part of His purpose and plan. His third sub point follows from the previous two and it was about the single life being a calling. Often when I think about being called to the single life, I think about that being for a lifetime. The professor suggested that often people are called to the single life even for small periods of time. I don’t know why I had never thought of even a few months or years as a calling.

This led me to think about what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 about his being single. He implies that it is better if one can maintain the self-control to remain single than to marry. I don’t fully understand this, (perhaps, because I don’t one-hundred percent appreciate my single life right now.) I understand that there are many things that someone can do while single that cannot be done while married. For example, my friend Jennifer went on a two year mission trip a few years out of college to Africa. If she had had a husband and children to think about, she would not have as easily been able to respond to that calling. What confuses me though is my own experience in relationships and future dreams for a relationship. I think that two people can engage in a great ministry together that could not be done with just one person. I can see benefits to ministry and following a calling while being single and while being in a relationship, but I don’t see how being single is better as it seems that Paul is implying. (Please correct me if I am wrong in this interpretation.) From my own personal experience, I think that life seems so much sweeter if it is shared with another. I don’t necessarily mean only in marriage, but as the whole body of Christ. The trials of this life seem subdued and less weighty when there is a friend nearby.

My views on being single have significantly changed over the last several months and I’m sure that they will continue to change as God changes me. My acceptance of being single is growing and becoming more than just acceptance. I now view my unexpected and unwanted single life as some thing that I not only accept, but also embrace and enjoy. I look forward to seeing what God will continue to do with my life and the areas that he will call me to as I continue to accept being single and seek His guidance.