Disappointment
I’m disappointed in someone. We’ll call this person X. I expected more from X. X always gave more, so I know that my expectations were not too high. X always exceeded my expectations. And then something happened. X’s life got a little out of kilter. It didn’t go the way X had planned and hoped and dreamed and I had to reap some of the consequences of that. That’s ok. I was able to step back and survive those consequences just fine, but then X’s priorities began to change. I can only speculate why this happened. Because X’s course of life was changing X’s priorities change to adapt to that. Because those priorities have changed, it seems like X’s life is off-balance. This is where I expected more from X. X used to be so good at balancing all the things in life. Now most of X’s time is absorbed in a personal goal, which is not wholly a bad thing, but it came at the expense of other things. I don’t know if X can even see that expense. It hurts me to stand back and watch X change in this way and know that there is nothing I can do about it. What hurts is that I expected more from X and I know that X is capable of giving more, but X doesn’t see the need or have the conviction.
I hope that I have not let someone down in this way. I hope that I have surrounded myself with people who will tell me when they expect more of me. I know that I am capable of giving a lot. I know that sometimes a lot is expected of me and I am grateful for that. It stretches me and helps me continue to strive to be a well-rounded person. One of the main things that I struggled with last year was finding balance in all of my commitments in life. I want to give adequate time to my studies, to my relationships, to my family, to my church/ministries, to my personal life, and the list goes on. I know that it is not possible to find a perfect balance to all of these things, but I still try. I have chosen to have all of these things be a big part of my life and I refuse to slack down on any of them. Each of them plays a significant part in developing who I am and helping me to be all that God has called me to be. It will continue to be something that I struggle with for the rest of my life, but I believe that the outcome and the benefits of all of them are worth the struggle and the effort.
posted by Kessa @ 4:08:00 PM
7 Comments:
failing you doesnt mean that X has failed at all. what sucks is when your relationship takes the back burner to some other goal in the other's life. it hurts and i hate it to. but, it doenst mean they are wrong, or are blind to their choices. it means, the relationship you had is just less important than what he is chasing. there is nothing wrong with that... it is only painful and frustrating. but there should be no blame in it.
-some random girl
Perhaps I read your post wrong, but I did not read your post to suggest that disappointment equals failure. There are many people in my life that have disappointed me, but I do not consider these people to have failed. People make choices, and sometimes we disagree with those choices, but I think that your feelings are valid. It is not always about blame...but more about consistency and expectation.
Anonymous understands me correctly. I never said that I thought that X was a failure or had even failed me. In fact, X has succeeded in many areas of X's life and I have always tried to be encouraging and supportive of X even when we didn't agree. It would be pompous and arrogant of me to say that X was a failure. I would be saying that based only by my own standards. What I have said instead is that the expectations X set for Xself that I came to know are no longer a priority as they once were. This is a very broad way of saying what I really want to but for the sake of continuing the anonimity of X and for the sake of me not pouring all of my thoughts into the WWW I won't say anymore. If you understand, great. If not, I'm not worried about it. One more thing, I never said that "X" was a "he" as "some random girl" indicated in her comment.
As you hope for yourself that other would let you know when you disappoint them, I hope you ahae let X know of your concern and disappointment also.
~BB
I had a feeling that someone would comment about that. Leave is to my sister. :) That is something that I have struggled with and thought a great deal about. Unfortunately I am no longer close to this person and have little to no contact with X. In fact, I attempted to contact X and the effort was not returned. This is what promted my dissapointment and this post. X has in a way taken the opportunity to talk away from me. That's ok. I don't like it, but there is nothing more that I can do about it. I already did all that my emotions could handle and I have accepted the outcome. Thanks BB. You know, on a side note, if you had decided to hyphenate (sp?) your lsat name, your initials would have been BLAB. You should consider that. It has a nice ring to it. Love you, BLAB.
That what sis-tahs are for! About your side note: I had not thought about BLAB, but is does seem fitting for me. It has a much better ring than B squared.
~BLAB
im posting "anonymously" because i got confused at the format here, but my name begins with an "F" and rhymes with "schmorrest" and that is all im willing to divulge at this point. i really just wanted to respond to the segment on your profile about the aerodynamic properties of a wet sock versus a bananna peel. i choose the wet sock. good night.
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