The Woes of Retail

For the past couple of weeks I have been extremely tired of my job. Part of this is because since Katrina our business has slowed significantly. We also haven't had a whole lot of shipment to put out so I have been bored out of my mind at times. I even resorted to getting down on my hands and knees going around the store with Goo-gone and a plastic card trying to scrape the scuff marks clean again. My fellow co-workers think I'm crazy, but I just explain to them that if I stood around doing nothing, then they would see me go crazy.

I think the main reason that I am tired of it is because I am ready to do more. Last semester when I was so emotionally taxed retail was great for me. It was a job that I could go to and leave behind. I particularly liked the summer when I was an Assitant manager at my second retail job. I didn't like it becasue I got to boss people around. I like it because I could treat those that I supervised with respect and care. I could encourage them as someone that they respected and had to listen to and I could give constructive criticism when needed. I felt as though I were investeing in something more than simply the upkeep of a fun store to shop in.

I really like my job and I think that I do it well. The company is also a good one to work for because I can tell that they value their employees and want to tae care of them from the top of the ladder down to the last rung. I'm just ready to do more. I'm ready for my job to be my ministry. I know that there are ways that I can do that now, but I want to invest in my job emotionally and intellectually and it's kinda hard to do that at a retail place.

Richard told me not worry because Jesus didn't start his ministry until he was 30ish. Haha...well...I'm ready now. When I was Community Leader I could invest myself wholly into my job and even though it took out too much of me at times, I still loved it. I'm ready to give. I'm doingthis a little at church but I still want to do more. Oh, how I hope that this tiring time is short lived and I start to find ways to give and enjoy retail again.

Graduation Weekend

Ok, so I know that graduation was over four months ago, but I didn't want it to pass completely up without me posting something about it. It was perhaps one of the most enjoyable weekends I've ever had, (despite sitting through the ceremony twice so I could see all of my friends graduate.) I was reminded of how amazing the freindships I am blessed with are. It was such a bittersweet time. I told my friends that four years is an entirely too short of aperiod of time to spend with eachother. And to think that I was planning on graduating a whole year early. To think of all of the things that I would have missed out on!! My time at Baylor has more than I could have ever hoped for.

Below are some pictures of some people that were seen at the Science Building the night of graduation. These crazy people were running through the fountains, laughing and having a great time in 75 degree weather. Now, 75 degrees may not sound too cold, but when you are soaking wet from fountains shooting hundreds of gallons of cold water straight up in the air with great force, it's pretty cold. (Don't ask me how I know that.)

Now I do know who these people are, but the names have been changed to protect the guilty.


Vanessa, Sandy, Rachel, Britney 


Robert & Vanessa Fountain 

A Spoiled Brat Takes a Lesson in Stewardship

Today was a weird day for me. I was all over the emotional chart for many reasons. I took my bike to a bike shop the other day to get an estimate on a few basic repairs that needed to be done. The first estimate was $40 bucks which was a little more than I expected and wanted to pay, but it was going to be worth it since I have to walk so far to class and I refuse to shell out $200 bucks to park "on campus" and still have to walk far. I got a call back about my bike today and the estimate jumped up to $90. Since I don't have a place indoors to keep my bike there is aparently a lot of rust damage which is why it's been pretty much unridable for several months now. My bike was only $150 to begin with, so I didn't even want to try to start justifying spending that much on repairs for it. I didn't want to get a new bike, but I didn't want the one I have to be so messed up.

I started thinking about all of the things that I own and I made myself depressed (not in the sense that I meant it in my last post,) about all of the things I own. I am going to sound like a spoiled brat for saying this, but I am having a really hard time accepting a status in life that is more or less second-hand. I don't think that there is anything wrong with things that are second-hand, I just don't want any thing that I have to be in less than top notch condition. How did I get like this? I think that I'm probably being over-dramatic about how I feel about my possessions right now since I've had such an emotional day, but I don't think that I'm being over-dramatic in the things that I've taken for granted in my life. I was proud of myself the other day for the car-load of things that I gave to the family that my church took in after Katrina. Later I realized that the reason it was so easy for me to give my things away was simply because I didn't want the items anymore because I had newer things that I liked better.

I've been frustrated with my car lately because it needs new brakes and rotors but instead of getting them fixed, I'd rather put the investment into a new vehicle. When I got my car it was only two years used, now that it is eight years used I don't value it as much as I did when I got it. I don't think that is a very good attitude to take. Christians are called to be good stewards of our possessions but I'm afraid I go too far. I feel like I'm failing miserably at this idea of storing up my treasures in heaven.

One of my favorite Psalms has always been Psalm 139. It came to mind while I was writing this post that doesn't really have a point. I have sung a beautiful song called The Majesty & Glory of Your Name, that is taken from the verses of this Psalm. I sang this song with my youth choir on one of our choir trips to the Grand Canyon. I can still remember the chills I felt when we sang this song and it came echoing back to us off of the canyon walls as if they too were singing of the glory and majesty of the Father. I sang it again with my Calvary Church choir just a few Sundays ago. The entire Psalm is a beautiful prayer but I'm going to write out just the last two verses of my prayer as of late:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Without You

LaRue has been one of my favorite groups for about over five years now. I love the sheer simplicity with which they write their music. I just got their third CD and this song resonated with me strongly. Many people, including myself can say that we have been where this song is from. In some of the most painful times in our lives is where we find some of the most beautiful moments with God. It is where we realize that our strength comes from Him alone.

Without You
By: LaRue

I've seen better days of when You
were my everything
You've heard better ways of
someone express their faith
Yet here I am singing this song
Crying out loud that I can't go on
Here without You, here without You
I can see Your face
Sweet Jesus, restore again Your grace
I know I walked away
Oh, but here I am singing this song
Crying out loud that I can't go on
Here without you, here without You
I can see Your face
Sweet Jesus, restore again Your grace
I know I walked away
Oh, but here I am singing this song
Crying out loud that I can't go on
Here without You, here without you
Taking my hand and You're leading me though
There's no going back now that I am new
The grace that You had proved to be true
Accepting my soul with all that You knew
I'm lost without You
Can't live without You
I'm lost without You, oh my Lord
I'm lost without You
So here I am singing this song
Crying out loud that I can't go on
The grace that You had, it proved to be true
Accepting my soul with all that
You knew I'm lost without You
Can't live without You
I need Your love to rescue me
I need Your peace to set me free
Lost without You

I love the lines:

I know I walked away
Oh, but here I am singing this song
Crying out loud that I can't go on
Here without You, here without you

I did that. I consciously walked away from God for a period of time. What was strange is that I knew that I was not permanently walking away. Somehow I knew that God would not let me leave for long. I knew that He would come rescue me from my own stubbornness and He would call me back to Him. It was not an easy trip back to Him, but it happened.
This past December I realized that I was depressed. It was seven months before then that I made my conscious decision to walk away from God and those seven months leading up to my realization of depression were the darkest in my life. I have never been as numb to anything as I was in that time. I became reclusive with my life. I hated any kind of accountability from my friends and the people who cared about me. I was annoyed even when my roommates would ask me where I was off to. Now most people reading this know that I didn't go off the deep end. In fact most people didn't even know that something was wrong. That is one of the scariest things about depression. It can be so subtle that neither yourself nor the people closest to you know that anything is wrong.
The past eight months that I have spent working to come out of depression have been some of the most beautiful in my life. They have not been easy but they have challenged me and forced me to grow into the woman that God is intending for me to be. I think that I can say with surety that after eight months of moving forward I am no longer depressed. Sleep is no longer an escape for the stress that looms over my life. It is a peaceful reward to the end of a productive day. I am no longer longing to escape the accountability of friends and family. I am instead longing to pour into other people and show love and care to them. I no longer run from my responsibilities in hopes that they will just go away. I can focus and tackle my duties with confidence and energy. I don't want to go into all of the details of why I went into depression, because most of my readers know why already but I do want to say that for the first time in many months, it feels so good to feel like myself again.

Another Quiz

I was delighted to see the results of this one!! Or...uh...maybe I just think too highly of myself... humph!! The only thing I'm upset about is, where's Proffessor McGonagal and Hagrid and Malfoy and Neville and... ok... I'll stop. But there are a lot of characters missing!!

You scored as Albus Dumbledore. Strong and powerful you admirably defend your world and your charges against those who would seek to harm them. However sometimes you can fail to do what you must because you care too much to cause suffering. Albus Dumbledore 85% Hermione Granger 75% Ginny Weasley 70% Severus Snape 65% Ron Weasley 65% Harry Potter 55% Remus Lupin 55% Draco Malfoy 55% Sirius Black 40% Lord Voldemort 5% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com