A Vengeful God

This morning I received a phone call from my dad at 7:00. I almost didn't answer since I had taken a Benadryl the night before and needed sleep but I wanted to make sure he was ok. Now, I regret having answered the phone. He had been driving to work and he heard of Kyle's accident on the radio. He wanted to know if I knew Kyle or anyone that attended UBC. After I explained what I knew of the story to him he started to ask me a few questions. The first did not catch me off guard, but after the second I knew exactly where he was going with his questions.

"Was he a respected pastor?"
"Yes."
"Were there any kind of problems going on in the church like any kind of church-split?"
"No"
"Was there anyone in the congregation that had any problems with him?"
"Not that I know of. It is mostly a college age congregation."

I didn't honestly know the answer to all of these questions but I thought they were completely irrelevant for the association he was about to make and I did not want to give him any reason for thinking what he was about to. Even though I knew why he had asked these questions I wanted to hear it in his own words. After I asked him why he wanted to know he tried to carefully (though he wasn't successful) find a way to say, "What goes around comes around." I was so infuriated by my dad that I was speechless. I let him talk a little more and then as calmly as I could I told him that I did not think that God worked that way. God is a just God but He is a loving God. What happened to Kyle was just a freak accident that could have happened to anyone. God did not cause bad things to happened to people.
"No Kessa, He does not cause bad things to happen, but he allows bad things to happen." I did not argue with this point so my dad kept going.
"Kessa, have you ever heard that 'vengeance is mine.' sayeth the Lord. And what ye' shall reap ye' shall sow. And..." He kept going but I tried hard to tune him out. I couldn't listen to him. I couldn't stand it. My dad quoting scripture at me... completely irrelevant scripture at that, for the situation at hand. I have never known my dad to quote scripture unless he is using it as a weapon.

Since I started writing this last night and returned to it now, I have been to Kyle's funeral. After hearing of what an amazing man Kyle was and of all of the lives that he influenced for the Kingdom of God, my dad's questions and scripture quoting infuriated me more. I didn't know what to say to my dad. What makes me even more sad though is that even if I did have the right words to tell my dad how I thought he was horribly wrong, I don't think that it would have made any kind of difference. I don't think that my dad has the capability to learn from me or the desire to at all. I hope that I never reach that point in my life. I hope that I never think that there is nothing that I can learn from another person no matter how young or old, experienced, or inexperienced they are. I include my dad in that group of people. No matter how much he infuriates me I hope that I never reach a point where I think I am too wise and knowing to learn from him.

It makes me so sad to know that there are many people out there with the same mind set as my dad. I know that my dad has been hurt by many people in the church and he is very resentful towards it. (Unfourtuantely I think that my dad may have had more of a relationship with the church than with God which is why his departure from the churchwas so difficult.) I find it so interesting to observe that he is so quick to throw his philosophy of "What goes around comes around" onto other people (potentially even someone he has never met,) and yet I seriously doubt that he takes that philosophy onto himself very much in his life. When he left my mom five and a half years ago I doubt he thought of all of the negative consequences that he would take on himself and force upon others. I don't even think that he thought that what he was doing was wrong.

Please don't live your life with a "what goes around comes around" attitude. Be more concerned with the consequences of your own actions rather than the consequences of other' actions. Show others the grace and love that God shows us. Leave judgment to God and do as you are told, "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself."