Grey Area

What does it mean that God is not a God of confusion? I find that most issues in my life are confused and unsure. So much of my life falls into grey area. (In fact, even the spelling of gray is in the "grey area." Are the British right with "grey" or are the Americans right with "gray.") This is particularly true when I am trying to make a decision about something that will cause a great change in my life and alter it in some major way. I never find things to be as easy as black and white. The decisions I am often faced with in life seldom show a distinct black and white/ right or wrong. Most of the decisions I have to make are simply that: decisions. If decisions were simply a matter of choosing between what is right or wrong it would be a lot easier to take action. The problem is that it never seems clear to me what the "right thing" to do is. I have to weigh the two choices and decide what the best choice for myself and those around me is.

I recall one of the biggest decisions that I had to make when I was in high school. Through out my entire senior year I was faced with the decision about whether or not to come to Baylor. I thought that if I got excepted that would be the magical answer to my question. It wasn't. I was more confused after I got accepted than I would have been had I not been accepted. If I had not been accepted, the thing to do would have been clear. My dilema was because just prior to my senior year, my dad left my mom and wanted a divorce. I thought that my mom needed me and I didn't want to leave her without any support when I left for college. I went to speak to my youth minister, Rob about it and received one of the most confusing answers I could have received. At that time in my life, I thought that everything fell into a right or wrong category. Oh, how naive I was. Rob pretty much told me that God didn't care what I did as long as I continued to follow Him in everything that I did.

Rob didn't mean that God didn't care as in I could do whatever I wanted and God couldn't care less. I obviously knew better than that. He meant that the decision was mine to make. God gave me a mind and a heart of my own to make decisions with and he gave me the mental capacity to think through what the best decision would be for everyone involved. I HATE THAT!! There are many times that I have wanted to curse my free will but then I step back and see it as one of the most beautiful gifts that God has given mankind. He values us and loves us so much that He trusts us to go out on our own and make decisions that will affect our lives and many lives around us. I don't know if this analogy works perfectly but it seems a little bit like when a parent lets a child start doing things on their own. They begin to trusts them with more and more so that they can grow and be challenged in life. I wish there was a less difficult way to grow up.